An Awesome Song

So this song...
Back in August 2009, as I struggled through the annoying pains of being sick, I heard this song on the radio and just wept. Do you know the song, Your Hands by J.J. Heller? Well...if not check it out. There where so many of the words that struck me as if it was speaking just to me.

When my illness was super bad I would have tremors. It started that my hands would shake or I'd get a twitch in my foot. But it got so silly that I as I sat in church one day, my nose kept moving on its own! Crazy! I totally felt like Samantha on Bewitched. Anywho...mostly it was my hands. Nothing was still if I was holding on to it. It was awfully annoying. This song talks about God's hands. Part of it says,
When my world is shaking,
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands.
So I kept thinking of it over and over. And it would pop up over and over.

In September 2009, when we found out I was pregnant and feared the compilations to the baby and me another part of the song spoke to me
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt,
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
I held onto that knowing that God could make this all okay. Sure enough I went into remission while I was pregnant and all was good!

In November, a dear friend of mine lost her Dad. On the way to the funeral I heard this song and I prayed that she would feel like she was in God's hands. That she could know another part of the song
Your hands that shape the world

Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
So I prayed that she would feel His mighty hands as she struggled through the pain.

In December, another dear friend of mine invited me to her church for a women's event. During the event she sang this song. And I wept. As I sat next to another wonderful friend and listened I thought of all the decades I shared with the woman singing and the woman next to me and how God's hands had sheltered us from so much.

Then in January, when I lay in the hospital bed waiting to deliver my son, who I would never get to hold in my own hands, I thought of how God was holding him in His. In the weeks following, when I would have to unwrap myself from the fetal position to get anything done, other parts of the song would carry me through.
I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

Since then, a health complication from the baby's death arouse for me and struggles with my illness came back. So I hold on to this song know that it is super easy to go "Ehh..." when I know, "I never leave his hand."