My Way

If I had things my way I'd be falling asleep tonight with mixed emotions of joy and fear awaiting the birth of my son scheduled for tomorrow. But instead I lay awake tonight with the mixed emotions of fear and sadness. Sadness for oh so many things. Fear because I found out today I have to have surgery to correct a complication from my delivery. I struggle today with so much and I find it super hard to say "Ehh..." But to that, I show myself some grace, realize it is okay not to be strong today, and say, "Ehh..." to not being able to say "Ehh..." to all of this junk.

I feel God smile at me as I write these words. I feel His sadness as He sees my struggle and feels my pain. I hear Him say "He is the Way, The Truth and the Light (John 14:6)" and had I had things my way, I would have been in His way of showing me the truths about Him that I have discovered in the past 5 months.

I know God will give me "beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3)". He will take my pain and turn it into something good. But today it is hard to feel that truth. I want to. So I read these verses and I speak His truth to you so that I can be reminded to believe it myself.