The Ehh...Philosophy: That Girl

Thursday, May 13, 2010

That Girl

So this morning I went to the gym for the first time since...ahh...December 2009! Whoa! I used to go every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at super early in the AM. I would see the same cars parked in the same lots and the same people sweating it out on the same machines. This morning, being a Thursday and it being almost 6 months since my regular routine I felt like, "that girl." You know the one. That girl who usually isn't at your time or your day. That girl who took your parking spot. That girl who took your treadmill. The one by the fan and the t.v. You know, that girl.

Well that was me today. To that I say, "Ehh..." at least I got up and went to the gym. And most likely it wasn't the same person who lost their parking spot and treadmill. But wouldn't it be funny if it was?

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I turned 33 today. If three is the magic number, than this year should be doubly awesome. Right? Well I'm not sure it could be worse than 32. Anywho...on this the first day of my 33rd year, I've decided to share my new philosophy with the world. About a month ago I adopted "The Ehh...Philosophy" as my personal m.o. In the past I have been known to "sweat the small stuff" to work on the minuscule details of a situation. In the past year I have learned, you can have a plan that turns out totally different than you'd ever expect. I've learned I spent so much time contemplating the details and planing my life that I missed the joy of the moments. And really whatever is suppose to happen is going to happen anyway...so why wonder.

Lots of crap happened to me physically so I didn't have a really healthy end to my 32nd year. I was emotionally ill, physically ill...but spiritually more alive than ever. I changed my view on God. No longer did I see Him as this man who threw crap my way and said, "deal with it." No longer did I see Him as this being who wanted me to learn from all my tragedy but left me to do it alone. Over and over, in the last four months, He has shown me His presence. He has shown me He is sitting right her next to me as I struggle. He cries with me as I painfully write the memories of this year. But He rejoices with me as I send this out there for all to hear. You see I don't find myself very eloquent. I don't see myself as a proficient writer, let alone a good one. I have, on more than one occasion, made fun of Blogging. Thinking "these people think their lives are so great and want people to read about it. I would never be interesting enough to have someone read my stuff." Yet over and over the last month, I have felt God saying, "get this stuff out there. Let people see me through your words." S

o here I am. Trying my best to obey, what I feel God is telling me. That's where "The Ehh...Philosophy" comes into play. I'm tried of wondering ( nice way of saying worrying) about what happens next. How it will happen and who it will happen to and when. I've always gone through the plans. Made the decision and said that I was consulting God, but it always took me awhile to get to the point when I left it all in His hands. Well...now I'm cutting out the middle. I'm going to hearing an issue or being faced with a challenge to saying "Ehh...". My "Ehh..." doesn't me I don't care. I doesn't mean I don't want to be gifted with an easy answer, or I don't want to learn from the situation. But it does mean that I am done wondering about the details. God is found in the details. So I'm letting Him.

Anywho...so I've decided this new philosophy is awesome and I wanted to share it with you. As I write I've had lots of thought, "what if people hate this? what if people love this? what if they read it and think I'm so dumb? how do I prove I'm not dumb? who decides that stuff anyway?" but I've stopped. I tilted my head to the side, raised my shoulders and said, "Ehh..."

The Ehh...Philosophy

Thursday, May 13, 2010

That Girl

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