Recently I read, "Is there a conversation God is trying to initiate with you?" So I began asking God is there anything He needs to tell me that I haven't been quiet enough to hear? I had the feeling He was telling me to write. So I found an entry that I didn't publish written right before my last move. Perhaps God just wants someone to read it. So here we go:
I can’t understand why God would want to take us when we aren’t
done. I have a ministry I love and feel productive, I have a community
of lovely ladies whom I wanted to continue talk to about Jesus and a church
with wonderful people and great teaching. I have yet to show the world around
me how great God is. So with all the things unfinished why am I leaving? My
life seems so fragmented. I don’t keep in touch with the people from the last
spot. Why would I keep in touch with these people? Not because they aren’t
wonderful but because I’m terrible at communication. I don’t do it. I get
wrapped up in the here and now. Why talk on the phone to a person far away when
I’ll run into someone at school?
That got me thinking. If all my friendships are based on
proximity, how deep can they be? Do I mostly speak about the things happening
around town or with the kids? Shouldn’t my conversations be about things that
matter?
But really these things DO matter. Often people just want someone to
listen about the terribleness of their status quo. They don’t want to talk
about the deepness of life. Have I not done my job for Jesus if I’m not witnessing
to people? Or is it enough to show the world what Christ is like by listening
to their troubles? To genuinely show the love God has for others by being a
shoulder to cry on, a voice to laugh with, legs to run and walk with, combined
with a heart that cares.
I love my kitchen window. As I stand at the sink I can look
out to the street. I live on the corner where two streets meet. It is a walk
way so many take to get into the shops. Past my window I see so much life. I
will miss that window. I will miss the friends that walk by. So many of them I
pray for as they pass my way. One who walks past with her family at least once
a day, has a rekindled love for God that I pray will grow and grow. One I see
with her dog on a walk or bike with the kids and I pray that she will feel a
need for God and have it fulfilled. Another does not walk by often. But when
she does I can see the troubled look on her face and I pray she would cling to
God for her rest.
Will I ever see these ladies again…I don't know. This world seems so far away from the one I
am going to. In my ideal world we all
sit together at the pub once a week and laugh at our silly kids, cry at our
bleak moments and talk through our plans for challenges. I pray that
heaven rejoices when they get there. I
pray my eternity with God can be shared with them. I pray forgiveness for the
times I could have spoken more boldly. I pray forgiveness for the times I made Christianity look bad.
To all these unknowns...I say "Ehh...it isn't me that wins souls for God. It is the Holy Spirit. I can only be a willing vessel."
