I have traveled to many places and lived in lots of spots. I have had another child and taken care of many. I have read a lot of books and watched even more television. I have had loads of conversations and tons of arguments. I have laughed a bunch and cried a lot. I have taught some and learned much. But what does it matter? Am I basically the same as I used to be? I had troubles then, I've got them now. I had joys then, I have them now. I had flabby thighs then and still drag them with me now.
But surely we grow. Surely we change. Otherwise it wouldn't be said that the older are wiser. Experience must make us adapt. Right?
Just today I said, "I'm so glad this is happening to the me of now, not the me of 10 years ago." I went on to explain that a few years ago I would have been too self-conscious to deal with my current life. Too wrapped up in myself to cope. I'm still self conscious. But I have had to let go of so much. Recently my son was diagnosed with Aspergers. It was a long road to get to this spot. Never did I think the little guy that sang me songs and cuddled me would shout at me and hit me. Never did I think a situation would rock my family, my health and my faith. But all this has happened. And I have had to figure out what to do and how to do it. So how can a woman who hates to make phone calls...call over 15 different offices for referrals and appointments? How can a girl who didn't leave the house with out make up...leave for the day, often without showering or brushing her teeth? How can a lady who thrives on verbal affirmation...hear "you don't know anything!" over and over? How can a person who struggles with anger...walk away after getting hit repeatedly? How can this be me?
God promises that He isn't finished with me. He promises that He began a good work in me and that He will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). So to the question of am I growing, I say "Ehh..." and believe that because of His promise...I am growing, I am changing, I am getting better...In Christ.
